Anyway... A little back story. I have struggled with eating disorders, body dysmorphia, binge eating, orthorexia, etc etc the list goes on, all my life! Well, since the age of 12 to be exact. 2 decades - you can do the math. I was never diagnosed with anything but I was one of those teens where everything went unnoticed. I never dropped to an obviously dangerous weight nor did any of my studies suffer. I know I'm not alone. Many of us struggle with these diseases/disorders because of something specific that happened in our lives, upbringing/environment, abuse, the media, and the list really goes on and on. And like me, I know many of us are fighting a disease that no one knows we have. It's so easy to hide because you can be any size, shape, color, etc and still suffer from these things.
I'm not sure if this post will help you, but I wanted to do a PAST - PRESENT - FUTURE reading today with my regular Tarot deck to dig deep on some insight. Some insight into my body/food issues. And just to be clear, card reading is not, to me, something psychic. It's digging deep in something that is already there inside our hearts, souls, and minds. The cards just help guide your thoughts to you. Makes you think! So I'm hoping this post inspires you to do the same.
So here were the cards I pulled and I will explain what I think they mean down below. The meanings of the cards are universal (check biddytarot.com) but your interpretation is unique to YOU.
PAST - SIX OF WANDS REVERSED
The Six of Wands reversed means you might be doubting your abilities and potential for success. It might also suggest that you had a fall from grace, received negative feedback, and now confidence has taken a huge hit. BINGO. That was my past with eating disorders. At the age of 12, I was in a situation where I was treated poorly regarding things being said about my weight... and I was not defended by anyone or myself for that matter. Too young to understand the severity of the situation. If it happened to me today, at almost 33, I would have let this person have it big time. Instead I ran, cried, and hid myself from everyone.. and skipped my first meal of MANY. I was alone and vulnerable.
PRESENT - TWO OF WANDS
The Two of Wands represents planning and progress. Stepping outside comfort zones to explore new worlds and discover new experiences. One begins to consider long term goals, further education, and setting up for success. BINGO. About a year ago I went Vegan and stopped the yo yo diets. No more low-carb bullshit (ie lose 20 pounds - gain 30 back), calorie counting, starving myself, or excessive exercise. I do not follow a strict plan. However, binging and total lack of exercise are still an issue. I've gotten over many hurdles and these are the last two.
FUTURE - REVERSED KNIGHT OF PENTACLES
The Knight of Pentacles reversed is all about feeling stuck in a routine and repetitive patterns of behavior. Life is becoming mundane and boring, and one must free themselves from repetition in order to achieve what ever it is they are seeking. Aim for spontaneity. BINGO and honestly, I've already been feeling this and talking with people about it. It's one of the very reasons I financed an iPad, got back into graphic design, and started filming/editing my own cooking videos. In fear of my perfectionist behavior getting in the way, I'm just going with the flow. The graphics don't need to be perfect, the videos don't have to be perfect, I DO NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT! I just need to loosen up, and also remember that other people are not perfect either. No sense in getting frustrated ALL the time. Sometimes you can if you are really dealing with a spaz, let's be honest.
So the take away for me is to focus on what I love and open doors to opportunity as much as I can. There will be days where I'm not feeling it and I want to hide and that's ok. I know hermit tendencies are in my nature - for real.
Did this help anyone? Talking yourself through these things, or even better to someone unbiased, can really help get you closer. Trust me.